why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
