I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
