HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
