I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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