It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
