You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
