420 ftw
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
