Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
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I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
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What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize