I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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