I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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