birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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