Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
