I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
