so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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