I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
