I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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