Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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