i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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