Whod you bang
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
