Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
