I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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