I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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