oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
