perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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