By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
