I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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