I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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