Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
