And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
