you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
