i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
