I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize