I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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