How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
