Pants 0. Shit 1.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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