So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
