dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
