Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
