this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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