Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
