You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
