You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
