so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
