Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
