her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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