There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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