@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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