I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
