Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
soo... how was my night?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
