He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
