if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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