Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
