he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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