I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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