if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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