Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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