the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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