I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
