you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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