So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
