Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
