I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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