Can i not drive my cunt home
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
