you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
