Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
