the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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