I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
