Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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