if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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