FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
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i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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