Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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